Parsha Corner: Chukas – A House of Shalom
In this week’s parsha, the Torah tells us that when Aharon HaKohen passed away, the entire Klal Yisrael mourned his loss. Rashi explains that this widespread grief was due to Aharon’s tireless efforts in bringing peace between people—especially between husbands and wives. His role as a peacemaker was so impactful that everyone felt the void when he was gone. They didn’t just lose a leader; they lost someone who had personally helped restore love and harmony in their lives.
Chazal describe Aharon’s approach: when a couple came to him in conflict, he would tell each spouse privately that the other regretted the fight, felt bad about what happened, and wished things could be good again. When each spouse heard that the other cared and wanted peace, they softened, apologized, and reconciled.
But here’s the question: how did this tactic actually work—over and over again? Could a made-up message really resolve such deep tension and hurt?
Rabbi Yehudah Shmidman offers a beautiful insight. He explains that even in the middle of the biggest fights, deep down, most people really do want peace. The neshama longs for connection and values unity. What gets in the way is the belief that my spouse doesn’t care that I’m hurting—and that makes the pain even worse. Aharon’s brilliance was that he bypassed this barrier. By “planting” the idea that the other spouse truly cared and regretted the pain, he allowed their deeper feelings of love and connection to rise to the surface.
This wasn’t a trick. It was a way of helping people reconnect with the truth buried beneath the ego and the hurt.
We can all take this lesson to heart: foster shalom in our homes, assume the best in those closest to us, and find ways to reconnect with the deeper love that often lies beneath the tension.
Have a wonderful Shabbos!
Rabbi Anton
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